I know we've reached 100% group consensus that flashbacks should be cut out.
but I was thinking, and actually, the problem isn't the flashbacks itself--the problem lies with the structure of the flashbacks (random, no reason to be there, no direction). if the flashbacks can help our story, then we should use them.
we should always go back to our premise: Freedom is the basis of happiness (or nature, could be both). like DQ said, in our very first meeting, the premise is the center of the universe. story ideas go around it, and builds up. anything not connected to the premise will be blown away. just don't forget the premise.
the problem with our flashbacks was that it didn't connect with freedom strong enough. I have a few ideas I'll share on thursday, but please come up with some ideas too. (what could be an external force that could stir the gorilla's internal motivation for freedom?) if we connect flashbacks with freedom, then the flashbacks will reinforce and deepen the story rather than confuse. we just need to use it well.
CHARACTER:
our gorilla should hate his job, always longing to be free. he doesn't want to kill, which gives him more motivation to fight against the implant. he is not violent, he looks at birds (white dove as symbolism for peace) and wants harmony in nature.
guys I'm going to think really hard on story, and I promise I'll have something solid by thursday. not the finished story, but the strengthened core of our current story. feel free to contact me with any ideas by email (sketchi@gmail.com) or msn (poiks@hotmail.com). once we work out the kinks, our story is gonna be awesome!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
STORY
The Story. as it currently stands.
(helicopters come in, drop off gorillas. we follow a squad of them into the jungle)
-jungle battle. gorillas are winning easily.
-humans begin retreat, Squad 01 follow eagerly
-Lead 01 senses something is wrong, and tries to call everyone back, but it's too late
-a tripwire is set off, and there's a huge explosion
-everything goes black.
-when lead gorilla comes to, he finds the rest of the squad dead, and that his implant is damaged.
-despite this, he sniffs the air, still on task.
-sniffing out the direction of the enemy, he sets off cautiously.
-a snap of a twig alerts Lead 01 to the presence of a soldier, and he looks over quickly. They make eye contact for a split second, and then the chase is on.
-during the chase, due to the malfunctioning implant (NEED TO SHOW CLEARLY), past memories of the gorilla begin to surface. He doesn't understand their significance, and disregards these flashbacks.
-eventually the gorilla chases down the soldier, tackles him to the ground, and is about to inflict mortal damage when he catches his own reflection in the soldier's mask.
-taken aback by his own ferocious expression, he pauses, and then slowly reaches up to touch the glowing implant (he sees this in his reflection)
-choosing his own nature over imposed missions, he rips out the implant with a grimace, no longer fighting another's war.
-fade out, fade in: the gorilla now sits peacefully next to the bewildered soldier, offering grass as a token of friendship.
(helicopters come in, drop off gorillas. we follow a squad of them into the jungle)
-jungle battle. gorillas are winning easily.
-humans begin retreat, Squad 01 follow eagerly
-Lead 01 senses something is wrong, and tries to call everyone back, but it's too late
-a tripwire is set off, and there's a huge explosion
-everything goes black.
-when lead gorilla comes to, he finds the rest of the squad dead, and that his implant is damaged.
-despite this, he sniffs the air, still on task.
-sniffing out the direction of the enemy, he sets off cautiously.
-a snap of a twig alerts Lead 01 to the presence of a soldier, and he looks over quickly. They make eye contact for a split second, and then the chase is on.
-during the chase, due to the malfunctioning implant (NEED TO SHOW CLEARLY), past memories of the gorilla begin to surface. He doesn't understand their significance, and disregards these flashbacks.
-eventually the gorilla chases down the soldier, tackles him to the ground, and is about to inflict mortal damage when he catches his own reflection in the soldier's mask.
-taken aback by his own ferocious expression, he pauses, and then slowly reaches up to touch the glowing implant (he sees this in his reflection)
-choosing his own nature over imposed missions, he rips out the implant with a grimace, no longer fighting another's war.
-fade out, fade in: the gorilla now sits peacefully next to the bewildered soldier, offering grass as a token of friendship.
Pitch Comments, DQ Notes
PITCH COMMENTS
this isn't all of it, just what I have... Alexis and Dave will be getting the rest up later.
(POSITIVE)
-very different idea
-ambitious
-VERY nice designs
-humans not being seen much is cool
-relationship between terrified soldier/kind gorilla = funny, do more
-nathan was awesome
(CRITIQUES)
(I've taken out useless critiques about actual pitch)
-during flashback, show humans capturing him to reinforce idea that gorilla has been altered (needs to be clearer)
-must establish implants are controlling gorilla
-story started strong, became complicated, ended weak
-ending is a let down/anticlimatic (no follow-through)
-story confusing/too long (!!!)
-too high-concept/abstract to convey in limited time
-how come he doesn't know what he looks like*
-gorilla designs a bit generic/hard to animate
-convoluted premise/needs more story clarity/too epic
-confusing, too much "thought provoking" and "deep"
-intent of characters difficult to understand
-if implant is too complicated and attached to his brain, it should kill him when it's destroyed
*we need to discuss this. it's true: as pack leader, he must've fought multiple times, he's smart, and he would've seen his own reflection in rivers/etc. reflection is not strong enough as climax, unless we build up internal conflict! flashbacks will need to lead up to humans doing operation, and he should be mad as he rips it out for a more climatic feeling.
DQ NOTES
-eyecandy film, no deeper meaning
-show thinking to show feeling
-what are you getting from this film? what feelings, what thoughts? (how should the audience react?)
-look for text/subtext, deeper than the title
-fighting against fear of unknown, technology eliminates the understanding: human dressed like gorilla, gorilla dressed like human, in the end they are 'stripped'*
*we can't do this without drastically changing the whole story. right now we have the gorilla realizing his own freedom. the gorilla doesn't stop fighting because he understands the human, he stops fighting for himself. I think that's important, and we should expand on that instead of changing the premise again. we'll definitely need to talk about this tomorrow.
TOMORROW'S MEETING should consist of:
-discussion about climax (he must know how he looks like already), where the flashbacks play in
-premise, how to make it stronger (current premise is about freedom*)
-split up work for break (don't worry, won't be too much, it is a break after all)
*freedom--we can work out everything from there. for example, sacrifice? what do you and I 'sacrifice' for freedom? it's harder to be free. we sacrifice the ease of just following orders, we sacrifice the ease of not having to use our brains and not taking responsibility for our actions.
another theme in the story is, like Angel said long ago, being more than what you're expected to be; being true to yourself (don't just drop-out of school because nobody else believes in you). but we don't want to go near E2's premise... or do we? haha
this isn't all of it, just what I have... Alexis and Dave will be getting the rest up later.
(POSITIVE)
-very different idea
-ambitious
-VERY nice designs
-humans not being seen much is cool
-relationship between terrified soldier/kind gorilla = funny, do more
-nathan was awesome
(CRITIQUES)
(I've taken out useless critiques about actual pitch)
-during flashback, show humans capturing him to reinforce idea that gorilla has been altered (needs to be clearer)
-must establish implants are controlling gorilla
-story started strong, became complicated, ended weak
-ending is a let down/anticlimatic (no follow-through)
-story confusing/too long (!!!)
-too high-concept/abstract to convey in limited time
-how come he doesn't know what he looks like*
-gorilla designs a bit generic/hard to animate
-convoluted premise/needs more story clarity/too epic
-confusing, too much "thought provoking" and "deep"
-intent of characters difficult to understand
-if implant is too complicated and attached to his brain, it should kill him when it's destroyed
*we need to discuss this. it's true: as pack leader, he must've fought multiple times, he's smart, and he would've seen his own reflection in rivers/etc. reflection is not strong enough as climax, unless we build up internal conflict! flashbacks will need to lead up to humans doing operation, and he should be mad as he rips it out for a more climatic feeling.
DQ NOTES
-eyecandy film, no deeper meaning
-show thinking to show feeling
-what are you getting from this film? what feelings, what thoughts? (how should the audience react?)
-look for text/subtext, deeper than the title
-fighting against fear of unknown, technology eliminates the understanding: human dressed like gorilla, gorilla dressed like human, in the end they are 'stripped'*
*we can't do this without drastically changing the whole story. right now we have the gorilla realizing his own freedom. the gorilla doesn't stop fighting because he understands the human, he stops fighting for himself. I think that's important, and we should expand on that instead of changing the premise again. we'll definitely need to talk about this tomorrow.
TOMORROW'S MEETING should consist of:
-discussion about climax (he must know how he looks like already), where the flashbacks play in
-premise, how to make it stronger (current premise is about freedom*)
-split up work for break (don't worry, won't be too much, it is a break after all)
*freedom--we can work out everything from there. for example, sacrifice? what do you and I 'sacrifice' for freedom? it's harder to be free. we sacrifice the ease of just following orders, we sacrifice the ease of not having to use our brains and not taking responsibility for our actions.
another theme in the story is, like Angel said long ago, being more than what you're expected to be; being true to yourself (don't just drop-out of school because nobody else believes in you). but we don't want to go near E2's premise... or do we? haha
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Pitch Pack on 4shared
Hey all, I uploaded the pitch package onto 4shared if you wanted to take a look at it- It is in the Final Pitch Package Art folder
Nate
Nate
Thanks guys, The only time I ever get credit mention for anything in this group...... is when I "embark on my journey to Sobeys " to print our pitch package.
Great Now Beth wants credit for letting us use the Sobey's printing facilities. Great........ That means no credit for Derek.
FUCK YOU ALL !! (......kidding)
Cheers Guys .... We Done Good.... We Done Good
Great Now Beth wants credit for letting us use the Sobey's printing facilities. Great........ That means no credit for Derek.
FUCK YOU ALL !! (......kidding)
Cheers Guys .... We Done Good.... We Done Good
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Final Word
Yo team. I just wanted to pat everyone on the back and give a well deserved *high five*.
The pitch package is complete and in the trusty hands of Mr. Derek Lee who is now going to embark on his heroic journey to Sobey's to print the beast off.
Great work everyone~ looks bad ass. Please get some rest.
The pitch package is complete and in the trusty hands of Mr. Derek Lee who is now going to embark on his heroic journey to Sobey's to print the beast off.
Great work everyone~ looks bad ass. Please get some rest.
Exposition Beat
I'll bring this on a usb key tomorrow, Angel and Alexis. In the meantime, if anyone is still up and has any suggestions on what might need to change, let me know!
Monday, October 13, 2008
UUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!
Hey guys and Gals;
I asked you guys to send us your work to save Alexis and I the time of having to check the blog and 4shared all the time! you guys are making this alot harder than it needs to be!
for the love of gawd atleast send alexis or i a message to let us know when you are done and where you happend to post it....otherwise i am not doing this. i do not have that much time to waste checking both the blog and 4shared to see where anyone put anything - since i noticed there is stuff on the blog that isnt on 4shared.
respect the people putting this together!
ps
try to bring your work tomorrow on usb or cd
I asked you guys to send us your work to save Alexis and I the time of having to check the blog and 4shared all the time! you guys are making this alot harder than it needs to be!
for the love of gawd atleast send alexis or i a message to let us know when you are done and where you happend to post it....otherwise i am not doing this. i do not have that much time to waste checking both the blog and 4shared to see where anyone put anything - since i noticed there is stuff on the blog that isnt on 4shared.
respect the people putting this together!
ps
try to bring your work tomorrow on usb or cd
Some Stuff ive been drawing
Heres some stuff i have been drawing based off research and your guys drawings relating to technology...
New Folder
Guys I made a new 4Shared folder to upload your FINAL Pitch Package artwork. Make your final images larger/better quality than the ones you post here on the blog. That way Alexis and Angel can access the folder without having to receive the files from you individually.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
mystuff
naturalistic gorilla:
(adult is silver, as angel/alexis suggested)
ending beat
nathan, rob! we've gotta discuss how to do the conflict (flashbacks + chase sequence) beats. T__T or you guys can figure that out yourselves, but if you need my help please let me know! I'm going out on monday, but I'll be home later at night.
however, DQ did say antic + reaction is more important than action, so as long as we nail the beginning/end the audience should be able to fill in the middle with their brains. <__< brainsss.
P.S.
wow this is the first time I discovered we had LABELS!!! we should all use them! woah
P.P.S.
two-headed dogs (really interesting science documentary. not really relevant but SO SICK. in both senses of the word.)
(adult is silver, as angel/alexis suggested)
ending beat
nathan, rob! we've gotta discuss how to do the conflict (flashbacks + chase sequence) beats. T__T or you guys can figure that out yourselves, but if you need my help please let me know! I'm going out on monday, but I'll be home later at night.
however, DQ did say antic + reaction is more important than action, so as long as we nail the beginning/end the audience should be able to fill in the middle with their brains. <__< brainsss.
P.S.
wow this is the first time I discovered we had LABELS!!! we should all use them! woah
P.P.S.
two-headed dogs (really interesting science documentary. not really relevant but SO SICK. in both senses of the word.)
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