Pitch Comments, DQ Notes

PITCH COMMENTS
this isn't all of it, just what I have... Alexis and Dave will be getting the rest up later.

(POSITIVE)
-very different idea
-ambitious
-VERY nice designs
-humans not being seen much is cool
-relationship between terrified soldier/kind gorilla = funny, do more
-nathan was awesome

(CRITIQUES)
(I've taken out useless critiques about actual pitch)
-during flashback, show humans capturing him to reinforce idea that gorilla has been altered (needs to be clearer)
-must establish implants are controlling gorilla
-story started strong, became complicated, ended weak
-ending is a let down/anticlimatic (no follow-through)
-story confusing/too long (!!!)
-too high-concept/abstract to convey in limited time
-how come he doesn't know what he looks like*
-gorilla designs a bit generic/hard to animate
-convoluted premise/needs more story clarity/too epic
-confusing, too much "thought provoking" and "deep"
-intent of characters difficult to understand
-if implant is too complicated and attached to his brain, it should kill him when it's destroyed

*we need to discuss this. it's true: as pack leader, he must've fought multiple times, he's smart, and he would've seen his own reflection in rivers/etc. reflection is not strong enough as climax, unless we build up internal conflict! flashbacks will need to lead up to humans doing operation, and he should be mad as he rips it out for a more climatic feeling.


DQ NOTES
-eyecandy film, no deeper meaning
-show thinking to show feeling
-what are you getting from this film? what feelings, what thoughts? (how should the audience react?)
-look for text/subtext, deeper than the title
-fighting against fear of unknown, technology eliminates the understanding: human dressed like gorilla, gorilla dressed like human, in the end they are 'stripped'*
*we can't do this without drastically changing the whole story. right now we have the gorilla realizing his own freedom. the gorilla doesn't stop fighting because he understands the human, he stops fighting for himself. I think that's important, and we should expand on that instead of changing the premise again. we'll definitely need to talk about this tomorrow.



TOMORROW'S MEETING should consist of:
-discussion about climax (he must know how he looks like already), where the flashbacks play in
-premise, how to make it stronger (current premise is about freedom*)
-split up work for break (don't worry, won't be too much, it is a break after all)

*freedom--we can work out everything from there. for example, sacrifice? what do you and I 'sacrifice' for freedom? it's harder to be free. we sacrifice the ease of just following orders, we sacrifice the ease of not having to use our brains and not taking responsibility for our actions.

another theme in the story is, like Angel said long ago, being more than what you're expected to be; being true to yourself (don't just drop-out of school because nobody else believes in you). but we don't want to go near E2's premise... or do we? haha